After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just want to make out with him forever
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
