Umm I'm too high to move.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize