I think my fart just growled at me.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
