My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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