does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
