I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
