It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Your penis caused this!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
