I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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