If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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