I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
