Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
