made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
