i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
