Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
