God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
