so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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