If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize