remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
