How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
