yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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