I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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