I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
