If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sober January is a disaster.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Randomize
