i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
