There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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