and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
