Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
