Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize