my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
