I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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