problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
