he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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