dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
