I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
