She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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