my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
