can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
