I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm at about main and main street
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
