Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
