you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
