You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize