It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Text me some of your sweat
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
