Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
