We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Bring me that man meat
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
