when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
