1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
