apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
