i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
