So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize