I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
