DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
