I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize