A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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