the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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