so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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