I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
