Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I would ride that face into the sunset
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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