she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize