yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
