theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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