take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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