I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
