I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
