it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
