Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I will pee on everything he values.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
