Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
