Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
