Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
