return my video game
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
