My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
