god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
