Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
