I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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