You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
