found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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