I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
