ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
