After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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