It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
