the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
