You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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