mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
