I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Randomize
