obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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