You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize