if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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