Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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