There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize