if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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