DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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