and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Semen is not good for contacts.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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