How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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