where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
