My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize