My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I will pee on everything he values.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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