I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
