youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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