After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
